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Accel World (2012- ) review

Posted : 4 months, 1 week ago on 6 March 2018 04:44 (A review of Accel World (2012- ))

NOTE: Although this review focuses mainly on the tv series, it covers the entire animated franchise up until this point. If you happen to be one of the few people that didn’t watch it, thought of giving it a chance, and are reading this right now, I should advise you that there are some spoilers here, so take this TL; DR instead: THIS FRANCHISE IS COMPLETE GARBAGE AND YOU SHOULDN’T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH IT. With that said, let’s move to the review.

Ah, Accel World, the title that blew everyone’s mind when it came out for being about people playing videogames with an advanced virtual reality technology, for featuring a fat ugly male protagonist and for being made by the author of Sword Art Online (this anime adaptation came out before SAO’s, but it was the other way around in the light novels). Since it panders to both the otaku and gamer audiences it was hailed as a masterpiece, and guess what, IT’S GARBAGE.

So the show presents this futuristic society where people basically get a wireless virtual world installed in their heads since they were born. They have access to internet whenever they feel like it and thus can mail and call other individuals, take notes and do their homework or search information virtually. All of which appears as windows in front of them which only they can see. It’s presented in the cheapest way possible with people moving their hands in front of thin air.

They can also talk to others mentally if two or more people connect each other with a cable. This is also presented in the cheapest way possible with people sitting on a table and talking to each other without even moving their mouths. Good use of an advanced technology story presented in a visual medium there. Also sometimes their thoughts mix in and sometimes they don’t. Is there a rule which controls that? Nah, it changes whenever the author feels like throwing an ecchi joke or not.

So it’s a society that wasted money and technology on an application that allows them to being anti-socials that don’t really communicate to each other but it’s really awesome because people can (not really) play crappy videogames from within. Yay!

Here’s some app called “Brain Burst” which transfers them to the “Accelerated World” that allows people to think way faster than the normal human brain but in order to do that they need some experience points and how does people gain said experience points? They play a crappy mmorpg and fighting game fusion which is obviously a serious and very dramatic thing.

The game already begins in a ridiculous way by basically raping the players’ mind to get information about them and create their avatars based on their emotions and psyche (mostly insecurities). Um, what? Why would someone do such a thing, why no one demanded the developer for being a potential cyber-terrorist group that brainwashes people? Who cares, let’s play videogames! And the designs are ridiculous, simple yet deformed robots with one or two colors and no explanations whatsoever about how that specific design reflects its player.

What about the game itself? A generic mmo where people kill creeps and gain level; there isn’t even some lore behind the world they play in. They don’t even form factions because those were already formed when the game started by some people that apparently didn’t have better things to do than playing a bad videogame the whole time, said people didn’t even wanted to reach the finale of the game and instead tried to be at peace. What kind of gamers are those? But don’t worry because the main girl of the show didn’t like that and betrayed them and decapitated the guy that proposed that and since then there are factions at war in the game.

What that means is that the little bit of story within the game was made by the players and no from the game itself, how sad is that for a game that is not about creating your stuff with whatever is given to you like some simulation game or Minecraft? (And even that game has some sort of story).

What about the leveling and abilities system and the gameplay? People gain experience by killing creeps or fighting against other players, just like in any other mmo. But since this is also an rpg they also unlock new abilities when they gain more level. How? Weren’t their personas based on each person? Why don’t they begin with all of their unique abilities if their avatars were created based on the individual characteristic of each one? Why are the character’s abilities so similar to the ones of generic rpg classes like mages or healers when they are supposed to be based on each individual? What about those abilities represents the players? Who cares let’s just play videogames!

Just like in any other mmo, the players have a health bar, and while that should balance the battles, it doesn’t. What I mean is that they play a game, they have health bars, they battle with specific abilities that consumes specific amount of energy (they have some form of it in the game too) and deals a specific amount of damage. Yet the protagonist can be easily owned by whoever he encounters and is always about to lose, but when he has the lowest amount of health you can imagine, the same abilities that almost killed him (or new even more powerful) now deal nearly to no damage, what does that mean? It means that he has a ridiculous amount of plot armor. Oh, and he also can easily defeat his opponents in the end with just a few attacks, of course. And let’s not forget that he is able to do that because he has THE SUPER AMAZING, UNBELIEVABLE, UNIMAGINABLE AND UNMATCHABLE ABILITY OF… being able to fly, wow…

The players gain experience points whenever they kill shit or defeat other players, you know, basic stuff, and that’s a super important and dramatic thing because if they lose all of their points they lose in the game, and if they lose in the game, what could happen? Are whole races and kingdoms going to submit to others like in No Game no Life? No. Will the players lose their lives like in Sword Art Online? No. THE SUPER IMPORTANT, DRAMATIC AND SERIOUS THING THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF THEY LOSE THE GAME IS…wait for it…that they won’t be able to play the game ever again. The system blocks their ID and thus it doesn’t allow the losers to play the game ever again. Those are some really high stakes, right? Also, what kind of mmorpg blocks its players permanently? One that doesn’t expect to stay afloat for much time, I guess.

And the losers can’t even recommend the game to other people because the app instantly erases their memories of the game, and their time and role there. Do you need another proof that this developer is a potential cyber terrorist group? Say what you want about how games make people stupid, no game in real life (up until now) fucks up the players’ mind like this one, thankfully (well, maybe porn games, specially the vr ones that are being developed, oh God, what are we doing…).

That’s what happens when you create a nonsensical futuristic society with an advanced virtual reality without any form of control. How do they deal with hacking in such a society?
Anyways the brainwash is done supposedly because the game must remain secret, yeah, because having people yelling BURST LINK every time they enter is not suspicious at all.

Remember how experience points work? Well, forget about that, why? Remember when I said that the main girl of the show killed another player? Well, here’s what happened: she caught off guard the other player and instantly chopped off him. What happened with all the experience stuff? Well, turns out whenever two or more top players fight, they one-shot the other, taking away their whole experience and thus making they lose the game instantly. Why would such a broken rule which completely contradicts the mechanics of the game exist? Well, I guess it turns the game into something like Day Z and it becomes more interesting…if the protagonist didn’t have plot armor, that is.

You see, when Haruyuki, the protagonist, loses, he just gets his ultimate ability robbed by another player and becomes an unimportant player that slowly goes back to the top to fight against the asshole that defeated him once again, no big deal.

Even in their real life the main characters have plot armor. In the early episodes of the show Kuroyukihime, the main girl, wants to help Haru with his bully, so she gets him being punched by that guy so the asshole gets expelled, and what does he does for a revenge? HE ATTEMPTS TO CRASH HARU WITH HIS CAR, OF COURSE. But do not worry, dear viewer, here’s Kuroyukihime to save the day. After a long, unbelievable, lame, melodramatic, hypocritical and selfish love confession, she uses a once in a long time unique ability only the top players can use and thinks even faster, and uses her avatar to move her real body, so she gets crashed by the car instead of Haru, and after a few days, she’s ok and playing the game again, of course.
Let’s talk about the third arc of the series, because the other two were about people playing games where all those problems I already mentioned appear. So this particular arc is about how another student of their same school uses the app for something different than playing the game and that is cheating in the school exams so he gets better grades. It was refreshing to see something slightly different but the handling of this arc was also really bad. On one hand, it brings out an interesting question to the table, if we had and application like this, wouldn’t we abuse of it in order to get personal benefit? And wouldn’t we try our best to do that? Yet, again, the handling of this arc was terrible.

Leaving the fact of how minimal his main objective is aside, the antagonist of this arc is so edgy that you can’t take him seriously; he laughs as a maniac and treats everyone like shit because he gets better grades and because he has a higher score on a videogame. He does all that because he suffered bullying in the past from his brother, meaning he is not only edgy but also victimized; Haru went through something similar and he didn’t become a piece of shit. Also, he use one of Haru’s friends to gain points in the game, because she has THE SUPER AMAZING, UNBELIEVABLE, UNIMAGINABLE AND UNMATCHABLE ABILITY OF…being able to heal. What kind of lame ass mmorpg is this where a basic ability like that is a big deal?

This girl kept saying the whole series that everyone is stupid for taking a game so seriously and when an asshole tells her to betray her friends in order to gain more experience in a game she supposedly doesn’t care that much about she instantly agrees? Well Haru and this girl were extorted by the antagonist, yes, but it’s a futuristic society where they have all kind of stuff in their heads, they can record conversations and videos anytime they want. If it’s possible to do it today with no much difficulty, imagine how easy it should be for them, the whole arc could’ve been avoided.

And what does the super pro player Kuroyukihime is doing? She is on a school trip until she appears at the ends of the arc and easily defeats their enemies except for the main bad guy who has to be faced by Haru, because otherwise he wouldn’t regain his ultimate ability I guess. And of course, the final fight is full of plot armor, ass-pulls, new abilities similar to others and lame motivational speeches, what did you expect, strategies and fair conditions for each player? Oh, silly you.

This third arc ended up being the worst, not only has all the problems from previous ones such as plot armor and ass-pulls and could’ve been avoided as I stated before but it also contradicts the most basic rules of the series:

-Two players who have similar abilities to those of Haru and a girl from the second arc appear and Haru gets his ultimate robbed. How is it possible for his ability to get robbed by other player? How is it possible that there are players with similar abilities? Weren’t their abilities unique because they supposedly represent every player’s personality and psyche?
-During Kuroyukihime’s trip she has her own adventure fighting a random monster and she gets the help of her best friend, who was a Burst Linker before but she’s not anymore. It is stated at the beginning of the series that whenever someone loses the game and it’s uninstalled that person can’t play it again. What happened to that? Also this mini arc was thrown in during the last arc interrupting the story. I don’t care if it was a side story in the light novels or something like that, in the anime adaptation it killed the narrative flow just like a filler arc does.

Now, let’s talk about the characters, shall we? Unlike most of the others modern anime’s protagonists, Haru is fat, short, ugly, suffered bullying and have an inferiority complex. So this isn’t a story about a bland self-insert Gary Stu that haves all the chicks for stupid reasons and an empowerment fantasy for otakus and is actually about an interesting, flawed and well developed protagonist? No, is the same shit as the others but even more retarded. Why? Because lots of girls fall in love with him despite all of his flaws because he is kind and good at videogames, featuring not one but two cliché and lame characteristics of modern anime’s protagonists in one package that no girl would see as enough of a reason to fall for a guy.

To his credit, he gets some development throughout the story as he becomes stronger and thus he gains more self-confidence, but that is also inconsistent since he is constantly going back to how he was, and the circle repeats forever whenever something positive, immediately followed by something negative, happen to him.

As for the other characters, there’s Kuroyukihime, the perfect waifu of the show that is somehow a pro player, a top student, and a kind hearted person at the same time, yet in reality she’s selfish and hypocrite. I can’t believe how every fan of this series takes her characterization at face value and don’t realize how she only wants Haru for his (not real) capabilities of taking her to the top of a freaking mmorpg.

As for the others, edgy enemies with close to none characterization, and some turns out to be cliché harem archetypes that fall for Haru because of the aforementioned reasons; Takumu, a typical protagonist’s best friend, and Chiyuri, that bitch that isn’t just annoying and useless and not only betrays her friends for stupid reasons but is also jealous of Haru and Kuroyukihime and she tries to take advantage on him despite being his best friend’s girlfriend. Fuck this girl.

And that’s it for the series, although it has an interesting concept and some attempt at showing people’s change of attitude by the dependence of advance technology and less social interactions, as well as some attempt at showing how we would abuse of some power or facility gave to us if we have the chance to get benefits from it, along with some development for the main character, everything failed in the long run. Apart from the interesting premise, the only positive aspect regarding the story that I can think about is the pacing, which is not good, but not bad either. Take in count that while it’s still an adaptation with no ending, it covers three arcs where the protagonists fight against various other factions, which means that every important character was already revealed. But then again, this is also questionable because they keep making progress and going back to square one and then they constantly keep repeating the process.

If there are some positive aspects in this show, those would be the visual and sound department, the character designs are generic, bland, and Haru and the avatars are ugly and retarded, and the voice acting is nothing special; but the backgrounds, the motions, and the special effects are well done, and the sound effects and soundtrack range from fine to good, making the world they play in and their fights spectacular on a superficial level. I don’t want to waste more time in this, I’m moving to the rest of the franchise.

The tv series was followed by two ovas that were silly ova material about a pumpkin hunting other players full of fan service, even more retarded designs and melodrama regarding the not couple from the show and another one about onsen, Haru being fat and having to lose some weight in order to pass a medical exam in school, what does this have to do with gaming? Well if he doesn’t lose weight he can’t play videogames for stupid reasons. That’s it, don’t lose weight to gain better health and appearance, do it so you can go back to play videogames for another person. Overall good pacing, visuals and sound apart, there’s nothing more to these ovas, moving on.

After that, another studio released some two minutes specials about every character being even more retarded, barely trying to hide their fetishes (Haru’s best friend is literally treated as a dog by his girlfriend in these specials) and, of course, everything is shown in a crappy chibi style.

And finally, four years after the tv and ova series finished, Sunrise released a movie, and it’s easily the worst thing in the franchise. It tried, and failed, to be a recap movie, a sequel to the former entries, a stand-alone entry, and an adaptation of some volume of the light novel series to please the fans that were waiting for a second season, all at the same time. How is it possible to fail that hard? Well, like this:

-Bad as a recap movie: It only covers part of the series, leaving some details from the show off the summary.

-Bad as a sequel: The events here happen way after the tv and ova series, if it is watched by a person that never read the light novel series, said person would ask him/herself: Who are all of this new people? When and how did the long time characters gain so many new abilities? (Said abilities are pretty op btw) Why are the two factions still allies when they already accomplished their common objective in the series? Shouldn’t they go back to be enemies already since they want to reach glory (if you can call reaching the top of a mmo that) by their own? What are the new areas they go to? When and how Haru got rid of his curse?

-Bad as a stand-alone entry: You may think that this movie shouldn’t be judged as such because it doesn’t try to be one, but it is. Why would it include a recap then, if it wasn’t? The people that watched the series already knows the story, and the same goes for the people that kept reading the light novels, of course. Yet the movie starts with a recap that lasts for half its duration, and wastes said duration in stupid things instead of telling the viewer all of its important details. That aside, it’s also just a bullshit mission about two factions fighting against a feminine player that somehow allied with a monster in the game for escapists reasons, and she was defeated by the power of lame speech about love and friendship, and bullshit op new abilities. But that does not mean that the film can’t include some silly moments about the main (not) couple, right? Talk about wasting screen time in nothing.

-Bad as an adaptation: It is not even good as an adaptation of its source material because it changed some important details from the story it’s supposed to be adapting.

Good animation and sound apart, this movie is a complete disaster, there is not a single good thing about its script and thus, it does not deserve more than the minimal score.

And that’s it for the franchise, the tv series alone is slightly better but, as a whole, is the anime equivalent of the third Spy Kids film, and that’s definitely not a good thing.

Accel World: 4/10
Accel World EX: 3/10
Accel World: Acchel World: 2/10
Accel World Infinite Burst: 1/10


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Frame Arms Girl - From MyAnimeList review

Posted : 6 months, 1 week ago on 7 January 2018 01:50 (A review of Frame Arms Girl - From MyAnimeList)

NOTE: This won't really be a review but a rant about this series, because I FUCKING HATED IT. You were advised to not waste your time reading this shit.

Oh man, what the hell is happening with anime? Just when I was thinking that I was being too harsh with newer titles and was giving 1/10 too much, I came across this title. It made me raise the ratings of some of those titles but on the other hand it proved me right.

So, a good for nothing lazy high school girl receives a doll, which is not really a doll but a robot developed to gain emotions along with battle training. And why exactly does such a thing exists? Is the Japanese government going to use them in a war or something? Who knows, the shows does not answer that in its first two episodes and instead wastes time being a terrible comedy/action series.

Incredibly dumb premise and bad pacing aside, everything is wrong in this show. Starting with the production values, everything is cheaply animated: from simple backgrounds to poor motions, generic character design for the female protagonist, and the worst part of this department, the cancerous CGI. If you thought Kemono Friends' models looked bad, this thing is ten times worse! Every problem the show has in its production values are even worse whenever these Frame Arms Girls appear on screen, and what could be even worse than characters done in cancerous CGI models? MOEBLOBS DOLLS DONE IN CANCEROUS CGI, THAT IS! And the special effects during battles are terrible too.

The sound department ranges from forgettable to horrendous too, moeblob voices, weak sounds and barely listenable soundtrack. Combine that with often no mouth movement at all and you just assured yourself one of the worst nightmares fans of sakuga could ever get in their lives.

But enough of that, what's important is the story and this series, at least in this early point in the show, doesn't have one. It's a CGDCT done terribly wrong. Well, no one could find this atrocious cancer CGI to be cute-looking anyways.

So, two more robot dolls are sent to this girl's house because they are going to teach the first one about battles and emotions, oh yeah, I forgot to say that, they actually fight...IN CANCER CGI, WITH LIFE BARS AS IF IT WAS ALL A SHITTY VIDEOGAME IN A POORLY DRAWN VR BACKGROUND. And even that part is terribly done because the main robot girl has an incredible advantage, HOW!? The other ones were clearly activated way before and thus have much more experience yet they can't defeat this newbie? Well that's because the human girl helps the main doll, thanks mc, she will be a great soldier that way...NOT! Also the main doll has an unbelievable amount of plot armor, the attacks of the others deal close to no damage to her, but her attack? IT ONE-SHOTS HER ENEMIES, OF COURSE.

Oh, and by the way, they fight with horrible mecha armors that, of course, leaves their bodies unprotected so the viewer can see their horrible CGI legs and butts, while activating said armors with magical girl like transformations with catchphrases and everything. The catchphrases aren't even the same each time they do that horseshit transformation.

The main doll, I mean robot, has a black miniskirt, essentially reminding me that I could be watching Nier: Automata porn instead of this horseshit if I wanted to see a sexy female robot with a fine piece of an ass. Who the hell would want to see the panties (because for some reason, the doll wears one) of a freaking robot doll!? Actually I don't want to know that. But the thing is, is an ecchi that lewds FREAKING ROBOT DOLLS while disguised as the most retarded CGDCT I've ever seen in my life.

It even throws in some yuri to cure a PTSD, I'm not even joking! THAT HAPPENED! Leaving aside the fact of how stupid that is, who would want to see two cancer CGI robot dolls kissing!? Actually I don't want to know that either. They are also activated by being charged, you know, like a cellphone, or a notebook, or something similar, and of course that means that the cable goes just above their buttholes, which makes them moan. Oh, and the human girl punish them by doing that constantly if they fuck up something. Please, stop being so cringy.

But what about the gaining emotions part? Well, badly done too, of course. The main robot girl already wants to learn new things, she have curiosity and memories, since she remembers the two other robots, and she also fears her enemy...wait, wasn't she activated for the first time in the first episode? Sigh; there goes the consistency on her characterization. Well, not that it would matter since on the second episode she laughs and makes her own opinions about silly stuff and more. If they wouldn't have destroyed her characterization on the first episode, they would've done it on the second.

In the second episode everything goes to shit, who cares about battles and emotions, let's have our ugly CGI dolls being chased by an iRobot (I think it's a Braava, but I'm not sure).

And that's all I could take from this series, in fact, since I don't rate stuff that I dropped on first episode, I watched the second only to hate it.

To be honest, maybe I shouldn't be this harsh with a series that is not trying to be anything more than a retarded CGDCT episodic comedy (or so it seems in its firsts episodes) made only to promote some weird figurines (even if those were already popular in Japan); but it's just terribly done in every department! It has no story, it's not going anywhere, the battles are unimportant, it's not funny, it looks and sounds horrible, it's one of the most cringy things I've seen in my life and it instantly became one of the entertainment products that I hated the most in my whole life. It made me raise some ratings, it made me hate moe even more than I already did; and deserves to be considered one of the worst and most insulting anime, or even entertainment products in general, ever.


TO HELL WITH CANCER CGI
TO HELL WITH LOLIS
TO HELL WITH MOE
AND TO HELL WITH MODERN ANIME


FUCK!



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ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka review

Posted : 6 months, 3 weeks ago on 24 December 2017 12:05 (A review of ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

When Acca came out it caused three types of reactions:

-Those who lost their shit because it was made by the same author that wrote House of Five Leaves.
-Those that lost their shit because it seemed similar to Joker Game.
-Those that didn’t watch any of those shows and thus didn’t care about it at all.

And I am one of those that didn’t watch it when it came out. So, I decided to check it out now and found it astronomically boring.

So, there’s a kingdom composed of thirteen states and a public service organization that maintains peace amongst all of them. Jean, the protagonist, is an inspector of said organization and is doing inspections in every state while rumors of a coup d'état have spreaded throughout the kingdom.

Starting with the strongest aspect of the show, the sound department; the sound effects are passable but the soundtrack is very good, sometimes calm, sometimes upbeat, but always classy. I’m not much of a fan of its opening and ending, but both were good, the former got a song with an original and interesting mix of different music genres and also great visuals, while the latter was simply beautiful. There is a second ending that was ok too. As for the voice acting, I think some of the choices in the casting weren’t accurate (Pastice), but everyone did a good job.

Following with the visual department, it looks weird mostly due to the color palette, it has some quality drops and since it’s not a series where the movement is important, that element is rather weak. Other than that, is a solid work mostly for the backgrounds and the character designs, which although having a generic look of a josei manga, they still manage to look different than most other series, again, mostly for the color palette. Although they have weird hair colors, most of the characters look as serious adults, with the obvious exception being the fat version of Tintin, seriously what’s up with that guy? Also, since every district that is part of the kingdom is evidently based on a real country, there’s a lot of variety amongst them in shapes, traits, skin, clothes and stuff. It fits the setting nicely, which, as I said, it is based on real countries from Europe, Asia and to a lesser extent, Africa; so there’s also a lot of variety in the series when it comes to backgrounds, and everything looks beautifully drawn.

Speaking about the setting, this is when the negatives start since it doesn’t make much sense, although the depiction of the countries the states were based on were mostly accurate, the whole setting looks like it’s based on the post-war era and yet there are satellite antennas and even modern day technologies such as cell phones and notebooks.

The plot feels slow, mostly due to the tone of the first episodes; where the protagonist, Jean, go to every state, sees the situation on everyone of them, takes little action on some small conflicts that happens there with a totally disinterested attitude, eats sweets and breads, buy some more sweets and breads for his sister (mostly sweets) and drinks lots of beer with his best friend; but midway on the series the story tries to convince the viewer that he was actually plotting the coup d'état all along. HOW? He was clueless about it until the Director of the organization told him. Also these first episodes have some silly moments like every scene with Lotta, the mc’s sister; and the prince, because, well, he is stupid, no, seriously, even the other characters point it out until the final episode.

Things get more interesting and serious on the middle episodes and onwards, there were still some comical moments, but from that point the series feels more focused on its plot and drama. The coup d’état was moving forward, slowly and completely by talking about it, but moving forward regardless; and there were some really touching moments regarding Jean and Jino’s past, where the show starts to present its characters as people instead of spies puppets. But when the series was going well, the finale came and it was a complete ass-pull. Turns out Jean had a master plan within his master plan all along; and what a plausible one, stop everything with two people, yeah, right; also, there was no foreshadowing about it, it was complete bullshit.

Jean is easily the most boring and uninteresting character in the whole show, although he has a great past, he doesn’t react to anything that is going on in an interesting way, not even the revelation of his real identity; I’m not saying that the series should have showed that in an overdramatic way but we got…almost nothing. Also he is labeled as some super genius by everyone else when he is otherwise clueless, disinterested and distant on the first episodes; but I will admit that he got slightly better on the middle when he starts having internal thoughts about how to proceed on the whole thing…until his stupid hidden master plan within a master plan ruined everything. Well, at least he is slightly better than most of the teenagers with first world problems modern anime is so full of; and most of Urobuchi’s passive mouthpieces. There was only a moment when Jean seemed a human, and that was only because he got turned on by Mauve.

Speaking about her, why wasn’t she the main character? Apart from being the definitive waifu from 2017 (with Angie Varley from Mahoutsukai no Yome being a close second), she is also constantly thinking and investigating about what’s going on, while also having strong ideals, she is the whole opposite of Jean, give her a past and make her the main protagonist, and this show is automatically better.

Jino was another decent character, although he is shown as only a typical cool mysterious protagonist’s best friend in the beginning, the revelation of his past, and his work as a double agent, as well as his actual thoughts and feelings about the whole situation, and being shown as someone with actual own will, made him a lot better.

That’s as far as the good goes with the characters; the others aren’t bad, but nothing more than passable, the antagonists are not psychotics PURE EVIL ones like lots of anime today like to portray theirs, but nonetheless; they still remained as typical mysterious master minds behind the whole thing with little to none information about them, and the secondary characters didn’t really matter, Lotta and the female subordinates of Jean were particularly annoying, what does sweets, breads, and girls talks have to do with a military setting where a coup d’état is taking place? They are useless and unnecessary but on the other hand at least they felt like people. Wobular could have been a good character if he had more presence, something that didn’t happen, but he was still ok; the exact same thing can be said about Oulu.

In the end, Acca wasn’t a bad series; it does have problems regarding its pacing, setting and closure, but the plot wasn’t awful thanks to its mid episodes, the cast was decent because it didn’t have teenagers with first world problems, moeblobs or psychotics villains, the production was good and the setting was realistic up to some point, and it didn’t ruined said realistic setting completely with a psychotic edgelord loli that blows up shit with magic like Youjo Senki did.


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Aachi Ssipak review

Posted : 6 months, 3 weeks ago on 22 December 2017 06:06 (A review of Aachi Ssipak)

AVGN aside, I was never much of a fan of toilet humor and lost almost every piece of appreciation for it when I passed my 13 years or so, which translates to me, now, not liking Aachi & Ssipak for most of its duration, but that does not mean that I hated the movie since it also packs a lot of something that I definitely enjoy since I was a kid, long and frenetic action scenes.

The movie does not hold back when it comes to that, lots of chase scenes full of gun fire and lots of splatter, and since the protagonists can’t defeat any of their enemies by their own, they have to make every little dirty trick and use whatever shit they can find on the nearby to even start thinking of fighting against deformed gang members and a cyborg police officer, all while defending a porn actress. Combine all that with a fast pace and the splendid animation and direction and you assured yourself a fine brainless action flick if that is all you want.

Now that I mentioned that, let’s talk about the production values. Starting with the obvious, despite being on every major anime database, this is a South-Korean film, which means no generic character designs at all in the medium it belongs to, two ugly punks, a deformed woman, a transvestite, a cute little girl with a fucked up look for a Mayor, and some Smurfs-like creatures for antagonists, oh, and the cyborg, who surprisingly has the least interesting design in the whole movie. All of which made on purpose to look cartoony, creepy and, yeah, ugly. But it does not stop there, at all; the place where the story takes place is also a completely rotten country that looks crude, ugly, broken and dirty, while also having lots of references to Hollywood movies thrown-in there. But what good would all of that be in an action film if it doesn’t have fluid motions? And it does have it, starting with the vivid expressions and movements of the characters and finishing with the crazy but no random camera movements during action sequences; add to it references to Hollywood iconic films and a nice blend between 2-D and 3-D and you got one of the most remarkable visual departments in anime.
But just like it happens with A Kite, the sound department is not as good, the sound effects are awesome, as they are reminiscent to Hollywood action films sound effects, but the voice acting and music aren’t special, despite being extreme and fitting with the setting and tone, too much superior competition out there when it comes to this (you know, Panty and Stocking, Dead Leaves, Redline).

Speaking about the setting, I realize I didn’t even mentioned what the hell this movie is about, well, take this, a future where natural resources are gone and the government of a certain country uses the excrement of its citizens as an energy resource, while giving them candy-like drugs to people as a reward for all their shit. There, our two protagonists, the ones that give the movie its title, steal and sell said drugs, which ultimately results in them being chased by the police and a terrorist group composed of those people that consumed so much of those candies that they became addicted to them and transformed into some weird creatures…whatever. As you can imagine, the plot is stupid and an excuse for the action BUT is not crap. Is not really evident but the film is actually a satire of post-apocalyptic, action and political films, making fun of all of it clichés while making them into something completely amoral, hell, even the premise is making fun of those titles, a typical post-apocalyptic premise where everything went to shit, low resources, social control from the governments to people, social critique about the greediness of capitalists societies…and everything is literally about shit. I said before that the film references Hollywood action films but forgot to say that does not references only that, but also ideological movements as well, but it does not just show or mention them, but presents them as the worst thing ever.

Even the cast is atypical; they try to make a living in this rotten world just like in lots of post-apocalyptic stories…by stealing and selling drugs and being completely unlikable assholes that all they want is money and would betray even their partners for that. You don’t really want them to succeed, but seeing that their enemies are worse, what other option is left to you?

And above all that, despite its relatively short duration, it managed to bring a closure to every plot point it presents, not in a really solid way, since the film is still a brainless action flick with lots of bullshit unrealistic things; but a serviceable one.

So, in the end, is a satire of post-apocalyptic films with lots of gross humor and very little critique to capitalism showed in the most ugly, stupid and unrealistic but also the most creative, unique and entertaining way. Leave it or take it as it is.




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Kite (1998- ) review

Posted : 7 months ago on 17 December 2017 02:54 (A review of Kite (1998- ))

There was a time when A Kite (or Kite) was the most famous porn anime before it was completely overshadowed by Sei Shoujo’s creations (especially Bible Black) and why not? I mean it is an adult oriented movie that is not only porn, but also a heavy action packed film, a crime thriller and a psychological drama too! Sounds amazing on paper but its execution is far from being equally good.

The plot is about two teenagers, a guy (Oburi) and a girl (Sawa), who work as assassins for two corrupt private detectives, and she is also constantly abused by one of them and carries with a tragic past.

The main problem this film has is its duration; it lasts for only fifty minutes and tries to pack all of the aforementioned elements, what could go wrong, right? Well, almost everything, but let’s go by parts, starting with the few positives things I can say about this title.

The production values are very good, even impressive for a hentai title, and even more when you take in count that this was the first work that studio Arms made, yes, there are some quality drops but to the most part it has a very solid visual presentation. The character designs are rather unique and there’s a lot of detail to them, even in their genitalia and body fluids, the motions are really fluid on the action sequences, which are packed with a lot of detailed and very well drawn graphic violence and big explosions. The sex sequences have good motions too, along with lots of positions and camera angles. And I must not forget to mention that the film did a good job depicting a neo-noir aesthetic with its rotten city filled with dark colors and the use of lots of shadows, everything accompanied with a splendid direction, at least when it comes to visual department…

You see, the sound department is not as polished, the sound effects and voice acting are overall good, but the soundtrack is not. Actually it’d be more accurate to say that is great but is terribly handled, as if they just told the guy that played the saxophone: “ok, do it” and they didn’t know how to integrate it to the movie afterwards, it even results in some unplanned comical moments.

Visual department and sex sequences aside, there’s nothing more that I could praise about this film; the good ideas were there but the handling of them wasn’t good at all. I can sort of accept that the plot is actually dark and the tone remains serious to the very end, but even that is debatable. With a runtime this short and so many things to portray, the plot comes off as rushed and the characters feel inconsistent. The movie spends most of its time in sex scenes that not always serve a purpose in the story and action sequences that, even if they are well animated as I said before, last for too long and take valuable screen time that is not invested on Sawa’s personal drama; and are also so over the top that you can’t take them seriously from a certain point. Her story is shown mostly in briefs flashbacks; because sex and gore seem to be more important in the director’s mind. The whole story doesn’t even have a good ending since it ends with a cliffhanger.

Sawa is the most inconsistent character here, the first time she appears kills someone with ease, then feels sorry for an old woman, then seems to be an android that can kill easily, have her eyes wide open and never looks at Oburi and looks at the camera instead with a soulless expression, then she jokes with him while you can tell that there’s a romantic relationship building up between them, and all of that in only the firsts 13 minutes of the movie! Imagine how much she is rewritten throughout the whole film. As for the rest, they are not even worth to talk about, the two antagonists are complete one dimensional assholes so the viewer can easily hate them right away, and then there’s Oburi, a guy that overreacts and shoots at a basketball for a stupid reason and there’s no more information about him, seriously.

So down to it, the movie is just a mess. The action is not good because it’s too exaggerated and you end up laughing on those scenes; the thriller part is not captivating because of how little time there’s invested to it, the drama is boring because you barely know something about the characters, and the one you know the most about is constantly being rewritten, the plot is erratic due to a short runtime wasted on style instead of substance, and also lacks a proper ending, and the tone is not so serious either, because of how unintentionally comical the film is sometimes. The only solid things in this ambitious movie end up being the porn scenes and the visual presentation.

A Kite is just bad and does not deserve its praise, I know that it shocked people for being an animated porn movie with plot, but if this is how well it can handle it, then it should have aimed for something much more simple yet polished, like 15 bishoujo, and lots of other hentai did.

And the worst part of it is that it received a sequel ten years later that doesn’t even have any well-made sex scene or good animation; Kite Liberator is just a complete disaster in absolutely every department.

A Kite 3/10
Kite Liberator 1/10


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The Story of 15 Beautiful Girls Adrift (15 Bishoujo Hyouryuuki) 2009 review

Posted : 7 months ago on 14 December 2017 10:59 (A review of The Story of 15 Beautiful Girls Adrift (15 Bishoujo Hyouryuuki) 2009)

15 Bishoujo…something… has almost everything that a hentai needs to be considered watchable, at least for me.

-A quick setup: Here you have a guy and fifteen girls on an island and of course they fuck because...well because this is porn and it’s not trying to build any form of plot whatsoever, or is it? I’ll get to that later.

-Great pacing: This guy gets to fuck like…4 girls or so, on the very first episode, and yes, like the title implies, he gets to fuck the fifteen girls at the end of the series.

-Lots of sex scenes packed with lots of positions and different camera angles: This partly has to do with the fact that there are lots of girls here but that alone does not guarantee that there will be variety in sex scenes, if you watch, let’s say, Ane to Boin, there, as much sex scenes that title have (and trust me, there are a lot), most suffer of being composed of one position and two or three camera angles at best, not here, the protagonist fucks the girls in lots of different ways and the viewer gets to see it from different perspectives, and that’s a nice detail.

-Good animation overall: Well…as good as a title like this can have with its budgets, the girls looks good, their bodies’ proportions don’t change weirdly like in other titles and the motions are ok too, the show even bothered to have finished backgrounds (most of the time, at least), which is weird in a hentai…yeah I know I’m not supposed to be looking at that in a title like this but I do because to me any hentai is like any other anime, ok? If there are things that can be criticized in this department, those are: the protagonist’s design, which changes a little throughout the show, and that is weird, it could be excused that since he was in an island who knows how much time, he changed, but still…oh, and the character designs are bland and generic overall, and finally, since it came out after 2007, the fucking censorship on the genitalia which will always be stupid.

As for the sound department, it’s forgettable but it works, I guess, voice acting is good since they hired voice actors that actually worked on tv series and not just porn.

Well now let’s talk about the little plot this title is not even trying to have: you won’t ever know why these people are on that island and how they ended up there and there are even two androids and dog-like girl...but at least you’ll know what’s the relationship between the main character and SOME of the girls and how he gets to fuck all of them, it’s not much but there are porn series that don’t even bother to clarify that. This show also has a lot of comedy, even the way the mc gets to fuck the girls is hilariously stupid, and that’s a good thing, it shows that this series is aware of its bullshit and don’t try to be dramatic, something that in most hentai ends up being facepalming; and fortunately, it never throws off-putting comedy during sex scenes.

Another thing that I consider well done in a hentai is when it has a lot of different girls and everyone has her own look, body proportions, and, most important, personality. To me, by doing that, a porn movie or series will guarantee its major appeal to a wider audience, and this show succeeds at that to the most part.

As I said earlier, this show is not even trying to have a coherent plot and cares more about presenting a quick setup and go ALL THE WAY UP right away, and thus,  and since the maximum rate I give to a title like this is a 5/10, I can’t give it a higher score, but it is still watchable for what it is. As a contrast, the next title I’m going to review will be a famous and influential porn movie that tried too much for its own good.


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They were eleven review

Posted : 7 months, 1 week ago on 13 December 2017 03:19 (A review of They were eleven)

Juuichinin Iru gained some fame along the years for being one of a kind movie, at least when it comes to anime. It has an amazing setting and premise consisting of ten people from different galaxies, planets, and races taking a final exam on a spaceship in order to graduate from a space academy and the situation goes out of control when they realize that there are actually eleven people so they will have to find out who is the infiltrator.

The biggest issue with this movie is its short duration, is only one hour and a half long so there’s no time to explore its vast setting and so many characters properly. Some of them have a bit of their backgrounds and motivations revealed but the viewer will only get the names out of the majority of them. Only a few get some development and since the movie is too short, it feels more like they were rewritten instead of having a natural and progressive change. Their personalities and interactions, though, are strong; everyone is completely different in behavior and they need to work together and use their different knowledge and skills in order to surpass difficult situations such as having to deactivate bombs planted on the spaceship or fix said spaceship’s computers and it never feels like someone is useless, they are all capable people about to graduate after all.

The production values are good for the time the movie came out, the character designs are very simple and, few aside, they all have a generic look from a shoujo manga (this movie is an adaptation of one after all). The motions are weird, it can be excused in the beginning since they were in space but for the rest of the movie, it just feels like the characters’ movements are really slow, to the most part at least. There are noticeable quality drops and the special effects are poor as well. When it comes to body language though, the film does a good job, especially in its comical situations, but the best part of this department are definitely the backgrounds, the space academy, the space station, the spaceship, its different levels, the computers, etc.; as expected from a 80’s anime movie, everything that has to do with mechanical designs looks great.

As for the sound department, it is ok, nothing really special when it comes to voice acting or music, and the sound effects are rather weak.

On the second half is when the film starts to feel rushed; all of a sudden the characters’ motivations change for something completely different with extreme ease and the mystery is resolved in the laziest way possible, with asspulls and no foreshadowing of who was the eleventh at all, even the presentation of the outcomes of the characters is lazy, still images with short descriptions under them, as if it was a videogame from that time. Hell, it even has a completely pointless and out of place food war in the middle.

It’s not a bad movie, it’s actually watchable and enjoyable and definitely better than that bullshit closed door mystery that was Rokka no Yuusha, but it is not even a shadow of what could have been if it was a series and could explore its characters and setting properly.


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1+2=Paradise review

Posted : 7 months, 1 week ago on 10 December 2017 04:32 (A review of 1+2=Paradise)

The ecchi genre exists since the beginning of full-length anime series with its first show coming out back in 1963 and that fact alone seems to be enough for its fans to justify everything about it. Overused to death clichés, terrible pacing, no characterization whatsoever and constant cocktease? It doesn’t matter, that’s what the genre was always about and you CAN’T judge it for that. Lots of derivative and repetitive shows coming out at the same time? It was always like that so SHUT UP.

Well no, it wasn’t and here are four points to prove that:

1-The amount of ecchi shows coming out weren’t as much as they started to make since the early 00’s. If you look at the ecchi list on the site called My Anime List and display them for its started date, you will see shows from the 60’s and 90’s on the last page, which means they weren’t as much as today. Granted, there are ecchi shows from those decades not tagged as such, but even if you include those, the amount just isn’t nowhere near as much as today.

2-The focus of early ecchi were about slapstick comedies full of red humor while ecchi shows today are way too close to being porn that you just end up asking yourself why don’t they just make porn with those budgets? Well because they couldn’t show it on tv and then sell the Blu-rays versions without the censorship, that’s why.

3- The characters weren’t just walking fetishes that only want to jump on some beta male’s dick in early ecchi. Compare Honey Kisaragi or the female characters from Rumiko Takahashi’s stories with the characters from High School DxD or Sekirei and you’ll clearly notice the difference between them.

4- No, I’m not saying that there weren’t SOME shows like the ones that come out today back in the day, but even those should be judged with another mindset for two reasons: One: they were the first ones doing that so the concept was somewhat new and refreshing and; Two: they never aimed at being more than silly comedies, unlike ecchi from today that are about epic wars between mystical creatures, deities or inhuman species or, even worse, high school students, as if they are fighting shonen buried under done to death jokes and sleazy moments. What? That there were war dramas in space that showed some boobs already on the 80’s you say? Yes but never that much and never in the middle of serious moments expecting you to take them seriously like High School DxD. What? There were also shounen like A-Ko that were all about fighting and nudity you say? Yes, but they weren’t trying to be anything more than that, and, again, they were the first ones.

Well that was a long introduction and I didn’t even started to talk about the title I’m reviewing but it was all to make a point, which is 1+2= Paradise being one of those ecchi shows that I talk about in the aforementioned point #4. Is a retarded story about a beta male that out of nowhere has to live with two retarded big-boobed twins that the only thing they do is trying to seduce him and nothing more. And even this show does it better because the male main character (mc from here onwards) has an excuse to be afraid of women (an unbelievable, retarded and fucked up one, that is) and the girls don’t really just appear out of nowhere in his life because it is revealed that it was his father’s intention from the beginning and the girls knew him since they were children. Yup, that’s it; it went for the overused childhood friends cliché but, again, it was one of the firsts doing it.

The same thing can be said about its comical situations, they are the same overused jokes of today but for its time they were somewhat refreshing and I also have to point out how these jokes are used in a different manner, more extreme and over the top, but without feeling as if they belonged in a porn movie, they aren’t just guy walks in the bathroom and see girl naked, she then screams and slaps him, no; here the girl purposely goes to the bathroom with the guy, gets undressed and tries to seduce him, and they end being tied up together and almost get drowned in the most ridiculous way while the mc tries to fight against his trauma in order to save their lives.

So, if I excused all the bullshit in this show regarding its premise, humor and characters (at least for the mc) why do I give it a low rating? Because, believe or not, it betrays its premise and lacks continuity. In the second ova the protagonist stands the twins and they go to school together, not afraid of women all of sudden? Well no, he is still afraid of women. In the second ova a super popular school girl appears and wants every male to submit to her, mc included, something that Ranma ½ and Magic Kaito were doing before in manga format. He obviously rejects her due to his phobia but he’s ok with the twins for some reason and no, it is not any form of development because the change is too sudden and not even consistent and permanent since he still does not like being surrounded by the twins despite being already capable of live and go to school with them. Decide how you want to portray your mc already! Also, this turned into a generic school comedy now? Not even the art style looks remotely the same as the one from the first ova, it makes it feel like a completely different thing. Oh, and it lacks an ending, obviously.

So yeah, despite being a much better erocomedy than most of the bullshit pretentious soft-porn of today it’s still a generic ecchi that betrays its premise, doesn’t have much of a story and yet changes completely without having a proper conclusion with shitty characters. Oh, and since it came out during the economic crisis that Japan was going through in 1990, it looks terrible. Sound department ranges from passable to awful as well.


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1001 Nights (1998) review

Posted : 7 months, 1 week ago on 9 December 2017 05:13 (A review of 1001 Nights (1998))

1001 Nights is a movie that came out in 1999 and should not be confused with the first hentai film ever that came out thirty years before it. It is loosely based on the famous collection composed of different tales of the same name.

It is necessary to clarify that this movie is essentially a musical film in the likes of Disney’s Fantasia, so its main focus is to present great visuals and music instead of a good story. In fact this movie was thought as an interpretation of an orchestration and nothing more so the visuals and music flows together spectacularly. Speaking of those elements, they consists of classical music and a mix between 2-D and 3-D art, more specifically, colored pencil drawings and early CGI; they somehow managed to make it right, it looks gorgeous.

As for the story…well, it barely has one (if even). If you’ve read the original tales you can find references to some of them thrown in it but if you haven’t all you will see is erotic sequences with a most trippy art style that equals(or even tops) the sex scene from Mind Game. You could think of it as a couple dealing with the internal demons of their relationship…or just them wanted to make love but all of a sudden are being chased by an angry demon in a really intense adventure.

Anyway, this movie is a great example of art in its pure form both visually and musically and one of the most unique pieces in anime and that alone makes it worth watching despite not having much of a plot, or any.


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